Whether it’s a high school notebook or the Washington Monument, give somebody enough free time and tools and they’ll make a dick. Tell somebody to make a sex toy and you’ll get a dick nine out of ten times. It may be a tad patriarchal, or it may be a bit heteronormative, but one thing’s for sure, there’s a lot of ‘em. And a variety of them, at that! While traditional sex toy language designates “dildos” as realistic penis recreations with balls and other lifelike details, their counterpart “dongs” allow more room for abstraction. To help choose your favorite dildo or dong, here’s some navigation of our bag of dicks.

What is a good dildo for beginners?

A good first dildo is something short and slim that won’t cut too deep into your wallet while you experiment with self-penetration. The B Yours Sweet ‘N’ Small 4” Colored Suction Cup Dildo gives you just enough length and flexibility to massage the G-spot or P-spot without even spending double digits. Throw in an extra buck for some extra length and girth with the 6” model.

I’m a size queen. What’s a good large dildo?

If you want to go to the edge of your limits, try a dildo around or above 7 inches long and 2 inches wide. Some extra size and the right aim can arouse the A-spot for cervical orgasms in addition to deeper-reaching sensation! Try the NS Novelties Star Power Shane Diesel Dong for a replica of the 7.5-inch-long, 2.2-inch wide hard-on that made Shane Diesel famous.

Are dildos waterproof?

Most of the time, you don’t need to worry about taking your dildo in the shower or tub. As long as there isn’t a vibrating motor that isn’t explicitly labeled “waterproof” in danger of being damaged, your dildo is usually safe. Some dildos, like the Blush Ruse Juicy Suction Cup Dildo, are even encouraged to stick on the shower wall!

Why do so many dildos have suction cups?

Suction cups make a dildo mountable. A good suction cup will allow you to ride your dildo on any flat surface from the shower to the kitchen floor to the hood of your car. If you don’t want to mount it, suction cups provide a great handgrip for solo use. Beyond that, most suction cups slip into most O-ring mounting systems on strap-on harnesses, making any suction cup dildo strap-on compatible! Click here to shop suction cup dildos.

Speaking of which, what is a good dildo for strap-on play?

After you and your partner discuss the size, feel, and material you want, you can find the appropriate harness and dildo combination for any preference. You can even purchase sets to get both parts in one, such as the Sportsheets New Comer's Strap-On, which features a slim silicone pegging dildo and simple strap-on harness with which you can mix and match as your desires expand!

I like penetration, but prefer something less phallic. Are there more uniquely shaped dildos?

Though the penis is the inspiration for dong toys, dong toys don’t have to resemble one! If you’re not attracted to penises or think the attention to detail is too eerie, try some more unique dildo shapes. The Avant Pride P1 from Blush is specially designed to equally arouse the G-spot or prostate with a completely non-anatomical look along with the bright colors of the Pride rainbow flag!

I LOVE dicks. What is a good realistic dildo?

If you want the real thing, King Cock Plus Triple Density Dildos are about as close as it gets. Constructed with a dense, yet flexible core and coated with a soft and stretchy skinlike TPE blend that is carefully poured, painted, and carved, these dildos look and feel impressively like a real penis.

Can I buy a dildo in my favorite color?

One of the fun parts about dildos is how expressive they can be. You can fulfill your color-laden fantasies or simply enjoy the aesthetic of your favorite hue. Colored dildos such as those in the Colours line from NS Novelties come in vibrant, sometimes even multicolored hues along with realistic details for a fantastical accessory to brighten up your bedroom!

What makes silicone a popular dildo material?

Silicone is the perfect blend of durability, softness, flexibility, and body compatibility. Strong and safe enough for use in medical devices, silicone is a top-tier material for an attractive and good-feeling dildo. The Addiction Party Marty Confetti Dong from BMS Factory features translucent silicone filled with colorful confetti for a decorative example of this versatile material.

What are the benefits of glass dildos?

Glass construction makes for some of the most unique sex toys. Beyond the extra weight, rigidity, and smooth texture you’d expect from glass, what glass lacks in flexibility compared to other materials is surpassed by extra versatility in other areas. Though it might look fragile, the borosilicate glass material used in glass dildos is as durable as any Pyrex pan or bowl. It’s also as conductive to heat or coldness, giving your penetration play a soothing warmth or a cool rush when soaked in water of the appropriate temperature first. It’s also compatible with any base of lube, and simple to clean in the dishwasher. Beyond performance, glass dildos are some of the prettiest sex toys you’ll ever possess! You’ll be tempted to leave the Icicles No. 62 by Pipedream on your bookshelf!

What is a good vibrating dildo?

Most dildos spend time replicating the soft feel and veiny details of a penis, but if you want to surpass the source, add some vibrations! The Turbo Baller from FemmeFunn lives up to its name by boosting powerful vibrations through a high-quality cock replica.

What’s a good double-sided dildo?

If you want to share a dildo with a partner, or don’t want to play favorites between vaginal and anal sex, try a double-sided dildo. With both ends of the long shaft decorated by pleasantly rounded heads, a good, long, flexible double-ended dildo will give each partner plenty of room to play with, or a simple route for double penetration all by yourself. The Lollicock Sweet Slim Double Dipper by Curve provides plenty of length and flexibility along with some curve to better target your erogenous zones.

Is there anything dildos can’t do?

The more we use dildos, the more activities we can find for them. Ejaculating dildos like the Topco Squirtz Cyberskin series cum upon climax with a squeeze of the balls. Inflatable dildos like the Leviathan from XR Master Series expand inside of you with a pump of the attached medical bulb. Custom dildo kits like those from Clone-A-Willy allow you to make a colored dildo at home, even a glow-in-the-dark one, molded from your own hard-on! Though the sex toy world may be a bit phallocentric, the creative uses we have for them are boundless!